I've finally figured out my problem when it comes to weight-loss - it comes in the form of a close friend of mine, a buddy, a companion.  Someone who has stayed with me through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad times.    When everyone else had bailed on me my good friend had been there late at night, a stoic supporter.

However the last few years I've kind of figured out that my good friend is not so much that anymore, but more a saboteur, a frenemie of sorts.

You see, this friend of mine goes by the name of Insomnia and she normally shows up at my place around 11pm at night.  She is normally accompanied by her close friend, Binge Eating - and like most friends they can both be a lot of fun and a lot of heart break.

I can be doing so well, staying on track, feeling really great, and then Insomnia turns up, makes me stay up late and then Binge-Eating peer pressures me into eating whatever is in the cupboard.  Thanks to my partner (another saboteur) there's normally always some form of chocolate biscuit or packet of chips that I end up inhaling at high speed in the middle of the night.

For the past week I have been really aware of myself doing this.  Each day I track throughout and after dinner I finalise my tracking for the day, making any tweaks if I had forgotten to track something during the day.  At this stage of the night I'm always feeling in control and on top of my game, 80% of the time I am within or smack on my points allowance.

What happens next is where things go wrong... I stay up really late and watch TV.  I don't know why I have the need to do this, but I do.  Normally my night will go a little something like this:

1. Kids sorted and asleep 
2. Favourite TV programmes watched
3. Blog/Facebook/Twitter & photos from the day uploaded
4. Shower
5. Bed   (This should be where my night ends, but then, as you'll see, my frenemies turn up:
6. Then I get back up and go and watch TV!
7. THEN I make an appearance in front of the fridge or pantry
8. THEN I inhale copious amounts of food
9. THEN I have an attack of the Binge-Eaters Remorse!
10. I pass out around 2am

The past week is a pretty typical reflection of every week of my life:

Monday night:  2 hot cross buns, a milo and an easter egg (21 points)

Tuesday night: 2 slices of cold pizza (yucky but I ate it anyway), 3 glasses of coke zero (8 points)

Wednesday night:  1 packet of burger rings, 6 chocolate macaroon biscuits, (33 points)

Thursday night:  Yay - I didn't binge tonight!!!)

Friday night:  3 macaroon biscuits, 40ish grams of buttery popcorn (10 points)

Saturday night: Potato chips, 1 extra beer (than I had allowed for) 1 cupcake (33 points)

I guess the really shocking thing about the above recap is that these totals are on top of my  normally daily intake!!!

Argh!

For the last week I've had my Dad visiting and we've only got a small house.  My Dad has been sleeping in my daughter's bed and both of the kids have been in with their father, in our bed.  This has given me the excuse to just sleep on the couch every night!  So needless to say I've definitely been binging every night this week.

It can be so depressing and I feel like giving up!    Yesterday for example I had the most amazing day - I had spent heaps of time with my family, I had gotten some amazing photos, whilst out doing HEAPs of walking and I had completely stayed on track.  In fact we all went out to a smorgasbord restaurant and I managed this really well - I just attacked the salad bar until I was full and then I allowed myself a sweet treat.  To compensate for this special outing I made the most delicious 0 points salad for dinner and I was feeling on top of the world and super satisfied!

And then the night fell...

Because it was Saturday night I had rewarded my week's efforts with two Coronas and lemon - mmmmm.  Then I put on my new favourite movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's"  and I was completely enjoying my Girl's Night In.

I was about 1 hour into the movie and then all of a sudden it happened... I felt a craving for something salty...  I found myself once again making a midnight appearance at the Pantry Door.  As luck would (or wouldn't) have it there was a big fat packet of "Ready Salted Potato Chips"  I told myself I would just have a few, but we all know where that was heading... right on through to the Bottom'O'the Bag-ville!

I felt completely disgusting and wanted to scream at myself out loud "what the "F" are you doing!?!??!  but I just kept on eating... at high speed I might add!  When you're in the space (as a lot of you will have been) it's just so easy to think "Oh well I've eaten that, I might as well eat everything else in the house"  and so I did - there was a yummy cupcake in a gorgeous box on the table and I ate that too!!!  ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

I do have a bounce back plan though, and I'm going to try it out tonight.  I'm going to do my evening routine, and then I'm going to go to bed.  And here's the clincher:  I'm going to stay in bed.  Even if my mate Insomnia turns up with all of his buddies.  I'm going to stay in there and not let even one of my toes touch the floor.  I know that my sleeping issues are contributing 100% to my binging issues and I want to tackle them both head on!

I am 100% determined to no longer be the fat girl with no energy or drive.  This is my year and I'm going to do it!   I am not going to let myself sabotage myself any longer!  I know that we have one life and gosh darn it I intend to live my one to the fullest!!!

Just as I was posting this to my WW blog I read a wall post that one of my WW buddies had left me.  And quite frankly I'm blown away at the timing and sense of coincidence!

She's invited me to do a eating challenge - and you know what, I'm gonna do it!  Thanks noni-bear!!